Olive Lately, approaching 15 months

She's been walking, but not. 3 steps, then her legs go crumpling, 2 steps and her feet cross. Up and down, up and down, She can, but she can't. She's excited about it. We walk up and down the hall. To daddy and back, holding on to the smidgenest of my fingers just for safety. She stands on her own, hovering, staring, thinking very hard about taking.that.step.
*****

 

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About a month ago Greg and I sat down and talked about Olive's sleeping habit. As we do often, as I am sure all parents, ever, have done often. Its probably one of the ways they grow and change the most, but you can't measure it with a stick, or send the clothes that dont fit off to the thrift. We HAD been doing the mommy nurses olive, then dad puts her to sleep, and that wasn't not working, but I wouldn't say that it was working either. I felt anxious a lot coming up to bedtime even though it wasn't my task, maybe guilty too, like I wasn't sharing something pivotal. Greg kept falling asleep with her, as anyone would do after 9 hours of biking, and he would sleep until 9 or 10, then feel messed up all night. The good part was that Olive was sleeping, and doing so without mum, which is a BIG big-girl step.

I'm uncomfortable putting labels on myself because I think often that leads to self-made pigeon-holing. People get stuck and suddenly see things in black and white. I think this is especially true with parenting. Especially true with terms like Attachment Parenting, Co-sleepers, Cry-It-Out, and No-Cry. I do agree with a lot AP principles, and that's the way I parent, because it feels right, but not because I am an attachment parent. Here's where I suddenly realised we had stuck ourselves. Stuck between the short bridge, a jump, from mothering to parenting. (not that those things are at all done exclusively).

Olive had become ready to take a bigger step towards falling asleep on her own. I didn't see it because I had told myself during this first year that I wouldn't leave her to cry herself to sleep. Something about sleep training infants and small babies really really really bothers me. Something about the term 'Sleep Training' REALLY bothers me. So I didn't want to go there. Infants should have their every cry and need attended to, and I think that simply because their needs are so simple. Feed me. Change me. Love me. Keep me warm. 

Olive isn't a little baby anymore. She's still little, and still a baby, but also a kid, and a toddler. She's grown.

So Greg and I talked, and then here's how it went. (possibly scarier for us parents suddenly abandoned from our role as 'NEEDED' than for Olive) We set up a routine: teeth brushing, potty sit, into pajamas, nursing, maybe some books, lights off. When lights go off I've generally tried to make it No More Booby Time, but that doesn't always workout. We decided to alternate nights. We sit there in the dark with her for a bit, watch her settle herself. Then get up slowly, and leave, most of the time with her still awake. 

I braced myself for a big hubbub, I thought there would be lots of crying, I thought I would fall to pieces. We planned to go in and re-settle her at five minute intervals. Boy how unnecessary. There have been nights where she cries for a while, and almost always we get a little 'Hey! Where you going?" cry, sometimes we have to go back in, but mostly not. She's just ready. Genuine champion sleeper. Sometimes we even hear her singing to herself. or babbling for a while, then it tapers off into silence, and dreaming. About this I am seriously SO PROUD of HER.

*****

She climbed up the jungle-gym at the park today, crawled across the platforms to the slide, turned around, put one foot over the edge, then the other, let her body slide until just her fingers held onto the top of the slide, and then let go, WITH A HUGE SMILE ON HER FACE. then repeated this 7 or 8 more times.

*****

Pottying has gone as usual. After naps, in the morning before bed, a couple of catches during the day. Sometimes she stays dry for really long periods of time. She'll climb up onto the potty herself, but only when its offered. She doesn't go there herself yet. I think we have a really good balance, and i am content until she takes the next step.

*****

Like I've said many times she is a talker. With her hands, and her words. Her thing right now is pointing at things and saying 'Deee!, deee!', she expects me to bring whatever it is she's pointing at to her then. Funny. Sometimes I do it automatically before realising I dont want her to have my phone!

We're doing lots of signs. many for eating and drinking, and lots of animals. I now try to pick up things during conversations with her that I think are key. I'll be saying "can I HAVE that" and then go look up the sign for GIVE or SHARE or HAVE. I'm putting it more naturally into the conversations and allowing her to pick up whatever she does. I try not to overwhelm her though, we dont really do consecutive signing yet. Except "KITTEN EATING". Because those are her favourite words, AND our cats happen to eat, and she enjoys feeding them.

11 month Olive

11 month Olive, is a lot like 10 month Olive. We have successfully made a transition from Olive-goes-to-sleep-with-Mummy to Olive-goes-to-sleep-with-Daddy. In fact I now have trouble putting her to sleep when Daddy is late from work. She flops around the bed saying "diddie diddie diddie", drifts off, and then pops up to say "Diddie!". Like she's waiting for him. That's very nice.
3 teeth and one on its way.
I think she can walk, but doesn't know it yet. She will hold on to the coffee table with the smidgenest of tips of a finger, stepping out towards the couch, clearly standing on her own weight, but then I see her realise she's standing, her legs collapse, and she speeds across on knees and hands instead. Its silly because she can do this too. Climb up the couch and down. She got the backwards shimmy off down-pat.
Her thoughts on the cold: "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah". Really.funny.girl.

Us:

Nursing a 10 Month Old and A TEN MONTH OLD!

Breastfeeding a newborn is one marvelous thing. They are completely dependent on that nourishment, both physically and through that unique comfort it provides them. Nurslings say "oh oh oh I am not sure about this place. I am hungry, and cold, and floppy, and HUNGRY. Oh what? A breast, my mamas heartbeat. Alright, this place is nice". It's a full time job.
Nursing Olive is now a choice. Not mine, hers. There are thought processes going on from sitting in a pile of toys on the carpet to crawling at my legs saying "mum mum mum mum".  I am so happy to have made it to this place, that so many women may miss out on; I am nursing a toddler, and believe me its so so so DIFFERENT. I love it.
I have always been into nursing. Its pretty easy after the initial hump. No gear except a good bra. And its the best for Olive. So I am into it. But for us, I don't think it was *THE SPECIAL BOND CONNECTING US* like I hear from some breastfeeding mums. Olive always just ate because that's where it came from. Now she really eats anything, and with food, sometimes it goes in, and then the tongue comes out, with a yucky face, and whatever goes back on the floor. So I am describing her choices, which are now shaping our nursing relationship so much more. Some days she eats more food, some days she nurses every five minutes for comfort, and sometimes she nurses herself to sleep, sometimes not. Its all her choice. Which amazes me, because now it really feels like a bond. I am always there to offer her milk and she chooses mamas breast, mamas heartbeat.
I love THAT.

In other ten month olds news. We have two teeth. Two adorable teeth. Seriously. Plus whenever I'm asked how Olive is doing. I say "she is a trouble maker". A trouble making trouble maker. An adventurer. I'm not bothered by this at all. Its wonderful. She wants to explore every bookshelf, and every book on it.  She likes all her toys OUT of their box, so she can sit in them, and examine their tastes one by one. She is busy undoing. Compelled to do so. Undoing my pots, undoing our shoes, undoing her laces. Chewing on floor finds. With her two tiny teeth.

9 months

Lately Olives been up to a couple of things: Pulling herself up to stand and falling down, or taking things out of other things. Her toy-box  is only fun when its full. She picks each thing out one by one and then when it is empty, its no fun anymore. Shelves in the kitchen? Everything must come off of them! Shoes on the rack? Nope, a big pile in the hallway! She entertains herself.
She also wants to play peek-a-boo with anything she can cover her face with. That's including string, so I am not sure if she gets the concept, but she definitely knows that when she puts something in front of her face and  pulls it away quickly giggles will ensue from anyone around. And so she does, all the time.
There's a tooth in her mouth and another one coming. Every morning she poohs in the potty, I barely have to tell her what to do anymore. I just sit her down and her face goes red. Its really quite astonishing, but I love that she does it.
And that's where were at. A happy kid.

This could go on for hours.

8 Months

Olive Olive Olive Olive Olive. Well she plays by herself now, and pulls herself up. Standing, and letting go to fall back on her but, or her back, or her head. Sometimes crying, or surprised, or sometimes just like nothing happened at all. She eats and eats and eats and eats. During the day she doesn't want breast milk, she wants food! With vigor and smiles. She wants those blueberries, or that applesauce, or my coffee, or that rice, and she wants it in her mouth now. Its the best, I gotta say. As she unfolds before me I am seeing this little being with such wonderful determination. Things catch her eyes, and she goes for them. At the same time, I see her in a stage of thoughtful reservation. Attached to me, watching people a little bit more before lending them her huge smile. She's thinking, processing, about to make her next move. Will it be walking? Soon, soon, soon. I think.

Yesterday, with the weather, we put her in her first pair of shoes. They have Simba on the front flaps, and are denim. Lion King style denim! Some hand-me-downs from her cousin Jade, who is going to be 12 this year.

I'm also able to happily say that Olive is falling asleep now at 8, still with me, in our bed, early enough that I can get up, and maybe let myself decompress. AND she is staying asleep. Its wonderful. A routine and bed time took a while for us all to get used to, but now it goes so smooth. Greg's on bath duty so he can be more involved as well. There are still a few little nudges I plan to make, like having Olive feed less in the night so that I can get a sounder sleep, but first I am going to enjoy this change as it is.

Reading the Menu.

Almost 5 months.

I've been thinking about how I really celebrate every step in Olive's growing, but for a moment tonight  I mourned her infancy. When we brought her home this winter, I would bundle her in clothes so big, some of them I could just not ever imagine fitting, and most of those have already been packed away at the back of our closet for another baby to come. She fit, a tiny spoon to my big spoon, right into my side as we slept together, and now we wrestle for space at night as her legs trail on. She just doesn't fit in the tiny spot anymore. She fits differently.
But as I said, I really am proud as she studies her hands. Figuring them out. Entertains herself on the kitchen floor as I sew, or in the laundry pile as I clean. Its crazy that she can speak to us, not with words, but her own gestures and faces and sounds. If she wakes up from a nap, and I am not in the room, most often she wont cry. I'll hear her call me "phllllahh pla phla plaaaaaaaah!", I will come, she knows I will, and find her staring up examining our room, waiting patiently. Its truly amazing. She's just not a newborn anymore.
And oh I so love her!

About 6 weeks

Life seems to finally be coming back around to a schedule of sorts. Greg has started working a shitty job, which sucks for him, but the money is needed. He's lucky and seems to be getting mostly 9-5 shifts, which means he can come home and have time to hang out with Olive and me. Olive still sleeps mostly through the night. She wakes up once to feed, but never at the same time. And now I am trying my best to get up in the morning at least by the time Greg goes to work. If not, I'm afraid I might sleep forever. I'm still really tired from breast feeding all the time.
Our day goes like this:
Greg goes to work. I feed Olive whenever she wants so usually thats what happens next, 'cause she likes to eat in between and during all activities except, but sometimes while sleeping. And I get myself a glass of water, sit, relax, watch something, right now its Dollhouse, I'm thinking of starting to read a National Geographic I have about FLDS polygamists.
 When Olive falls asleep after eating I try and put her down now. We were/are having a little problem where she has a hard time staying asleep unless I am holding her or lying next to her. Which obviously will not work for much longer. So I lay her down to learn to sleep by herself, and if she wakes up I try rocking her in her car seat, or her up again to dance a little, then I lay her down again when she is sleeping. Sounds a little trying but she is getting much better at it, and once she is asleep, she's really really asleep! Sometimes for 2 or 3 hours. Thats when I get ANYTHING done. Priority: laundry, dishes, and picking up all the random junk that gets thrown about the house all day. These three tasks never end, and sometimes that is all I do. And it all repeats itself until Greg gets home, yummy yummy coffee in hand!
I've given up on bathing her in her tub. She's too small and gets cold and cries, and since I get dirty too I've just taken to sharing a bath with her. Its lots of fun, she doesn't seem to mind the water at all. I hold her at shoulder level, her legs dancing around. I can feed her at the same time. Which is usually when I soap her up. Then I wrap her in a towel, and lay her in her car seat to stare at me while I quickly wash myself. Usually like a sea monster because I go in and out of the water, so she can still see I am there. Since its winter and dry we've only been bathing her max twice a week, so I also get some alone time showers in there for myself. :)
Pictures later tonight....