This Too Shall Pass

I am going crazy. I am not sleeping. Olive is not sleeping. I believe she might also be going crazy. I am not sleeping. I am going crazy.
It goes like this: It seemed about a month ago there was a small trend toward Olive waking up at night as soon as she realised that my boobs were not in her mouth. I would lay down with her and help her back to sleep. Then some nights it seemed she was waking every hour. At the same time I have been trying to establish some kind of bedtime routines for her. Bath time, change clothes, diapers, some nursing, a walk. Calm things to get her to recognize night time, and wind herself down. Well it seems she is recognizing the night, and fighting against it as if her life was at stake. Over the month my nights have become a longer and longer assessment into how well I can tolerate screaming, yelling, flailing, shrieking. I know that I cannot breastfeed her ALL NIGHT LONG, I just can't, and at the same time I cannot leave her to scream herself to sleep. I've tried, its not for me, I'd rather be in labour. I am taking it night by night, and telling myself that this to shall pass. It will, it will, it will.
And when she is asleep, I cannot sleep. I lay awake all night. What was that again? This too shall pass. It will. :)

Scroll down to see our adventure to the st Lawrence rapids, where I felt a little less crazy.