Nightime Parents

Sleep parenting is one of the harder aspects of having a kid. Its always in flux. There are constants; Olive sleeps 12 hours at night, and most of the time she sleeps through the night, but not always. She's usually tired around 6:30 or 7. Hopefully she's asleep by 8. I can guarantee some whining. Healthy sleep habits don't come naturally (at least not ones overwhelmed by artificial light), I'm finding that sleep is learned, and we must be here to teach. Also, we must set a good example. Oh my.
There is a current aspect in this transitioning that's been a little bittersweet for me. The unexpected shift from me being her primary soother to Greg.
We co-sleep, so when she was new our rhythm was one, most of the time Olive and I would be wake together and sleep together. Naturally as I healed from labour and she grew, I required less sleep, less often, and she needed longer sleep. That's wonderful. I have a lot more free time now, I lot more freedom. Olive is now reaching a phase where nursing doesn't really put her to sleep anymore. She'll suckle and then look around, even in the dark. Move around the bed. She wants to chatter and sing before sleep. She requires more sophisticated soothing. It can take over an hour. I don't expect it to take less. I've thought about the expectations adults have for their children's sleeping habits; in bed, lights out, sleep. That scenario doesn't really work on me or most other adults I know, so I don't expect that form Olive. I know we all need the space and time to wind down. We've been trying to provide that. Admittedly though, I am not very patient. Which is where Greg has stepped in. He has a different way with Olive, more disciplined and yet gentle, he remains a lot more composed when she just.wont.go.to.sleep. So now its become his turn for bedtime. It feels good after months of being tied hip to hip with Olive, but at the same time it is difficult to give up Sleep as my duty. As a woman I think I love to burden myself with responsibility. I told myself 'she needs me', when in reality she needs both of us. She needs time with her Dad, a special bond in the few short hours they spend together. She needs someone else to rely on when her Mum has really gone out to lunch from all of this 'responsibility'.

This Too Shall Pass

I am going crazy. I am not sleeping. Olive is not sleeping. I believe she might also be going crazy. I am not sleeping. I am going crazy.
It goes like this: It seemed about a month ago there was a small trend toward Olive waking up at night as soon as she realised that my boobs were not in her mouth. I would lay down with her and help her back to sleep. Then some nights it seemed she was waking every hour. At the same time I have been trying to establish some kind of bedtime routines for her. Bath time, change clothes, diapers, some nursing, a walk. Calm things to get her to recognize night time, and wind herself down. Well it seems she is recognizing the night, and fighting against it as if her life was at stake. Over the month my nights have become a longer and longer assessment into how well I can tolerate screaming, yelling, flailing, shrieking. I know that I cannot breastfeed her ALL NIGHT LONG, I just can't, and at the same time I cannot leave her to scream herself to sleep. I've tried, its not for me, I'd rather be in labour. I am taking it night by night, and telling myself that this to shall pass. It will, it will, it will.
And when she is asleep, I cannot sleep. I lay awake all night. What was that again? This too shall pass. It will. :)

Scroll down to see our adventure to the st Lawrence rapids, where I felt a little less crazy.