a continuous, confused noise

This week rumors about our family that have been circling for months, seemed to come around back to me over and over again.

ru·mor

noun

1.

a story or statement in general circulation without confirmation or certainty as to facts: a rumor of war.

2.

gossip; hearsay: Don't listen to rumor.

3.

Archaic . a continuous, confused noise; clamor; din.

Part of what causes me to act antisocially is that I am very sensitive to the things that people say about me. Good or bad, I dont really want people to talk about me at all. When Greg and I were first pregnant with Olive there was all sorts of rumoring about us. I cant say people said mean things for sure, they were talking about us though; he knocked me up, and having a baby is a bad thing, or so it seemed. This really hurt me. I made all my choices and took my part in creating Olive. She is no accident. Greg and I are adults. That's all there is to it. Had we not wanted to have a baby, she would not exist. Eventually Olive was born, and the gossip faded.

This time around the rumor mill I've been really oblivious. I was having a baby, Greg and I have been working some kinks in our relationship out, I have a 2 year old, I've been busy. So busy I am surprised that most of the people who have been talking about us even know who I am, let alone have such concern for my well being!

Lets get it straight, so that I can clear it up, the rumors are these:
Greg has a new girlfriend.
Greg and Sarah are fucking.
I left Greg because Greg is fucking his new girlfriend Sarah.
Greg's in a polyamorous relationship, his baby-mama, his girlfriend, him, and the two kids all hang out together. How by chance Greg do you pull that off? (??!?!) And everyone's okay with it!

oh sigh.
I realise that aspects of our relationship are unconventional. We have children, but we do not live together. Greg's best friend is *gasp* a woman! And yes, I am fine with it. But let's be clear: Greg and I are together in a relationship, just us two. Boring old monogamy. Sarah is a good friend to all of us. She joins us for breakfasts, babysits our kids, helps with errands, keeps company, and so on and on, she is a part of our family, but not in that way. Sorry to disappoint.

I think what bothers me most about all this gossiping is that it always seems to paint the picture in a way where I as the female am dumb, and being deceived. I must be naive. Greg must be doing something to me. I have no power over the imaginary situation. No power in my own life. Fuck you.

And no one ever asked any one of us for the truth, because they didn't actually want to know. Fuuuuuuck you.